Shoganai (jamie_sam) wrote,

Remembering those lost.

As you can see by the date at the top of this post, today is September the 11th. Five years ago a terrible tragedy took place that people will never forget. Obviously I'm talking about the attack on the World Trade Center in New York. Something else happened on the same day five years ago. Something that to me is just as bad.

September the 11th is my fathers birthday. He was born in 1944. He died in 1992. I always made sure that I remembered his birthday after he died. I always made sure to tell him I loved him and that I missed him and that I wish he was here so I could give him a present or at the very least a hug.

At about 10:30pm on the evening of September the 10th 2001, I was listening to the radio when I heard about the first plane that had crashed into the World Trade Center. At the time, it was being reported as an accident. I got out of bed and switched on the T.V. When I went back to bed at about 6:00am the next morning after watching the events unfold, all I though about was the terrible loss of life. That day at work, the same as everyone else, I thought and talked about the devastation and the loss of life with my co-workers and other people I didn't know. There was blanket coverage on every network. Every newspaper was filled with the pictures and stories of lives lost. It was simply an event that I and indeed anybody else alive at the time will never forget. It was a "Where were you when you heard that Princess Diana had died?" moment.

That night I went to bed early as I was tired from the night before.

It wasn't until the next day, September the 12th, that I remembered it was my Dads birthday the day before. I cannot describe the feelings of guilt I had at that moment. I had witnessed the death of thousands of people I had never met. I grieved and said a prayer for them. But I forgot my fathers birthday. I felt as though I had betrayed him. I felt as though I had put others before him, something I promised my self I would never do.

To this day, I still carry the guilt I felt that day. I have tried to tell my self it wasn't my fault. It couldn't be helped I said to my self. I didn't help. I felt and still feel terrible about forgetting my own fathers birthday.

Dad, if you can read this, I love you. I love you so much and I miss you. Please forgive me.
I know that you wouldn't hold it against me because you are not that kind of person.

I still remember the last birthday card you ever gave me just after you got sick. I was 15. You told me that manhood was being thrust upon me. It was, but today at 30 years of age, I wish I was still a little boy sitting on your knee.

Happy Birthday Dad. I love you.

From your son, Jamie

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